Well firstly I spend all night in agony worrying about going back to church. Then I get there and after the singing I begin to feel 'out of it'. Helen and Sheila take me home but on the way I noticed something that makes me shy away from people:
I couldn't talk.
I mean, I could only just participate in small talk if someone asks me a question, but as for talking, nope, I couldn't do it.
I'm stupidly embarressed to chat to people I know well and that wouldn't harm me. They must think I am either thick or snobbish. I'd like to think I am neither.
I had huge self harm ideas today, huge.
As soon as church is over, it's tea break time. And that's when trouble really begins!
I've decided I am no going back to church, I shall pray on my own, where I feel less pressure, and where I can save myself the embarressment of never knowing what to say.