Saturday, 23 July 2011

Two weeks

Soon I'll be in a respite bed for 2 weeks.  The place is nice but for various reasons I can't get there as often as I would like to. 
I'm nervous.
Firstly I can't afford to buy the food in that I need so I may just bring in 14 pot noodles for supper time!
Then of course the probem is who will be in the other respite beds.  Will they be pleasant or rude or annoying or spiteful or sad. 
And what will I be like???  Will I be any of the above?
And 2 weeks away from mum.  2 weeks away from my 'normal' life.

I am so very nervous.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Thank You Jesus

This week I was thinking back to my last blog, where I stated some of the wonderful things my cpn has done for me, when it suddenly occured to me that I had forgotten (how horrible am I) a certain Someone.
How silly of me, I was still so shocked at the news, but I still cant believe just how ungrateful I have been...
Jesus has been there for me this whole time and I forgot to thank Him.

In fact, every single thing that my cpn has done for me, my Saviour has done for me a million times over.
Never leaving my side through it all.....never forgetting to love little old me.

Thank you Jesus, I love you.

Lizzie x

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

What a difference a year makes

I've recovered from the shock news of my cpn retiring (and the shock of learning she is even old enough to retire...she looks much young!) and got out of the selfish part that was ruining what is a good thing for my cpn....a chance for her to do what she wants to do!  No paperwork and lots of time to watch Jeremy Kyle lol.  Just kidding, who watches that patronising git anyway?!
Seriously though, I am pleased that my cpn will be able to travel, and do all she's been hoping to do at last.
It must be a great feeling for her, and she must be excited. 
So I've been looking back at how I was before she changed my life all those years ago. 
I was hopeless.  Devastated.  In the gutter.  The worst feelings a person could have were dumped right on my shoulders and my life was a living hell.
My cpn stood by me.  When I spent the whole 60mins with her crying my eyes out, she would let me do so, speaking gently and listening without judgement.
When my arms were cut and still bleeding she didnt shout at me.
When I hated her she was patient.
When I tested her she was kind.
When I was clingy she still talked to me like I was a 30 something but without making me feel guilty.
When I needed advice she gave it.
When I thought of self harm she would tell me how distressing for others that is.
When I needed a friend, she was there!
In fact, she has been there for me from the start, never let me down and made me believe in myself.
She says I have a wicked soh!
She has helped me think of a healthy lifestyle...........
................she has changed my life for the better and I will never forget her.
I thank God for bringing her into my life and trust in Him that He will look out for her.

Yes, I've come a long way from this tome last year.
I know I've said that before.
But it's true. 
Thank you, Lord, for letting me get to know my cpn, you both have enriched my life thus far.

Lizzie x

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Time To Say Goodbye

My cpn broke the news to me this week, that she is retiring this September.  I am heartbroken.
She has been there for me for nearly 4 years, every week.  What will I do without her? How can I cope without her?
I cried all night long until I couldn't cry anymore.
My mum and friends don't seem to fully understand just how much my cpn leaving me is affecting me.  I still laugh with them, make conversation, smile appropriately but I am so sad deep down, devastated in fact.
Please pray.
Lots of love, Lizzie x

Saturday, 2 July 2011

being aware, anticipation and respite

Hi, well this week has gone fast and thankfully not too much drama involved.

Jenny taught me something about one of my last posts where I spoke of how I was anticipation my mood dropping so low again.  Jenny taught me that instead I should be aware that my mood MIGHT drop and not anticipate it at all.

I shall try this.

I've been invited to a wedding in July, and I was told by a friend that Phil said he would take me to it.
I said thanks but it's now left me with a wee dilemma...what clothes to wear.

Now, I'm not one of these women with outfits for all occasions, every season.  I'm a jeans girl, and with the minimum amount of colour and design possible. 
I can't afford to buy new clothes so lets pray I can find some clothes and shoes good enough to wear or I aint going!

I've been offered a respite bed for 2 weeks on the 1st of August! 
I was there for 1 week 3 months ago and by the end of it I didn't want to leave.
It's a place for people with personality disorders. 
Do you think I have a personality disorder? 
I'll go, even though I'm certain I have to pd at all!!!