Monday, 22 August 2011

'New'

I was writing such a long reply to Sheila, that I ended up deleting most of it to write here instead. 
Most if it, I cannot remember even though I deleted it less than 5 mins ago.  But that doesn't mean it was a lie!
Oh yes, I somehow got onto the subject of my flat....that it still feels 'new' to me.  I've been there about 2 years?  (I have terrible short term memory with all the meds I take)
There was a time abot 6 months ago when I begged my cpn to take me back to the shelter I had been living in.  The shelter has it's own problems.....drink, drugs, although all but one were nice tenants (at the time!  Now one of the ex tenants is being done for sexually assulting a 13 year old girl here) .  The time I left the shelter, I was given a flat to rent by a friend (who died last year) and Jenny said it was God Given.
Well, I ended up getting worse mentally and wanted to move back in.  I was SO LONELY.  (I STILL get those moments of utter dispair but they are almost fleeting now...still, when they come they sting.)
This lasted for about a year.  Can you imagine a year of complete mental torment, self isolation and fear of living?
I don't know what happened.  But these past few months I've done a 180.  I like (and will maybe even love, soon) where I am, and I am getting used to being around me...instead of loathing me, I am learning all about me, like a 'new' friend.

Now onto a different subject altoghter.

I have 1 month until my cpn leaves.  That's only 4 visits left.  Already I can sense her distancing herself.  I know she is probably doing this for my own good.  Yes, D-Day is fast approaching.

Wht else....

My new sister-in-law will be here in 2 weeks time!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is Thai and I'm told she doesn't speak English very well.  She will be here for 7 weeks and since my brother will be working most of those weeks, I am a a loss as to how Mum and I will entertainer her for so long.  Especially with the language barrier, I am so very nervous.  I want to be the best sister ever for her, I really do.

I am thinking we could all go to Colchester and have that 'fish therapy' that everyone's going on about nowdays.  The stuff Jenny wouldn't do if you paid her!!!  lol!!!  I'm sure my sis will have already experienced this thing in a real lake or whatever, but it might bring us a wee common bond for a while?
We don't have a car so it's busses all the way.  What else can we do to make her stay an enjoyable and memorable one....goodess knows.  We will see when she gets here, I will try to update you all when my brother lets me have his laptop!

Anyway, enough about me, it's like writing a non fiction here....and no one would pay to read my autobiography!
Oh and many thanks to Alison A for bigging up my blog and subbing!!!  Love ya!!
Lotsa love to you, whoever you are reading this right now.

Lizzie x x x

Sunday, 7 August 2011

My Week So Far

...has been a blessing.
Well, at first it didnt seem like it.  In fact it felt a bit like a curse until a couple of days ago.  Mainly becausevthis place has so many people coming and going all day.  Especially in the Friendship Groups.  I've tended to shun most groups because I don't have enough confidence to talk in front of others BUT.....I am certainly gaining in confidence!!!
I've made more friends, too!!!!!   At least I hope I have.  They may well not wish to know me after my stay is over, but for now they have become friends that I already appreciate. 
Now, unless this place can provide transport from Halstead to here, I will only be able to meet them all once every 3 months :-(  BIG SADNESS :-(
But IF they do work out transport, I might be able to see my new friends once a week!!
Please pray this will happen!
Your very own Halstead Hermit x