Sunday, 22 November 2015

What good is sitting all alone in your room?

Today I ventured out with hat on (then hat off) around Halstead, had a coffee with my lovely mother. It's the first time I've been out for anything other than hospital appointments since I left The Lakes MHU. 
It felt great.
I took a chance and took off my hat and asked my Mum to take a photo of the occassion, and it was an occasion, Mum took the photo above and I've put this up as I felt liberated and happy to be out. 
I haven't liked myself since I pulled my hair out, but today, I felt whatever normal is supposed to feel like!
Sitting having a latte, my hair uncovered, I was truly being the real me, warts and all.
It's given me the push I needed to believe I can go out again, but as I am.
I will get comments from people who say hello and do not read this blog, or maybe strangers who have noticed me but don't understand the stark change in appearance.
It's the perfect opportunity, I suppose, to explain mental illness and my recovery. 
The video below, well, I'm not quite up to doing handstands or karaoke just yet, but the sentiments are clear.
Although I will definitely not put down my knitting!!!
To sum up, 
Today for me (and my proud Mum) was perfect.

Friday, 20 November 2015

Afternoons and Coffeespoons (and T.S Eliot)

I'm feeling rather low but my humour is still with me, praise God! 
So I thought of a song that kinda lifts my mood, making light of my current situation that I haven't discussed here. 
My hair that I pulled out - a lot of it isnt growing back.  I look a bit like a fool so I've bee buying a lot of stuff online to keep me from going out and facing the world.
You may call it vanity, but I do look stupid. So I've ordered wigs, some normal, others for Christmas. As a laugh,  pics below! 
But I'm keeping my chin up for my mum, who can see my moods swing. I'm constantly knittingscarves. And looking forward to listening to Enya's new album on my iPad!

So although I may seem less happy to everyone, please remember it's just a moment and this time will pass, as U2 say!
Enjoy your afternoons my friends, and pyjamas in the daytime is perfectly acceptable!!! I wear the every day!
Lizzie xxx

Fun lol

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Fear Of Bliss (and ensuing solitude)

Fear Of Bliss (how I am right now) 

I've been isolating myself again, in a bad way by even refusing to see asp gp about my "soft tissue damage" to my arm, wrist, hand and knee!
I'm even refusing to see the denspntist where I know some teeth will be pulled.
I'm buying lots of yarns to do my k ittingm soending a fortune on eBay.
Any excuse not to go out.
Is it because I ou,led my hair our in the MHU?  Or is it because I could be normal again and that scares me? 
I don't recommend solitude for anyone, please don't do it. 
I've been offered a voluntary job at the charity shop I used to work at, and I'm thinking seriously about it. Should I try? 
Should I go for it?
Will I fail?
Or will I be great up at it? 
A lot to ponder when you refuse to go not thee door.